In the Country Song, Hot Mama, Trace Adkins confronts something all marriage relationships go through:

You’re doin’ all you can to get in them old jeans.
You want that body back, you had at seventeen.
Baby, don’t get down; don’t worry ’bout a thing.
‘Cause the way you fill ‘em out, hey, that’s all right with me.
I don’t want the girl you used to be.
An’ if you ain’t noticed, the kids are fast asleep,

- Trace Adkins, Hot Mama Lyrics

We all know that bodies change, they never stay the same.  For the wife and mother, this is even more dramatic.  It seems that, for nine months, the soon to be mom is putting on weight, and then is expected to lose it all in the first few days after the baby makes its appearance.

Let alone the fact that there’s “sympathy weight” that the man gets, metabolisms going down, less time to get out and work out—it seems only the natural progression that the husband and the wife will put on weight.

But should that effect the relationship, does it?

Weight And Attraction

Men and women find different things attractive, but they usually revolve around money, appearance, and perceived power.  I don’t believe that either sex finds being overweight attractive, but men are more picky in this area than women:

Nearly half of men questioned in the poll of 70,000 people said they would ditch a partner who gained weight, compared to only 20 percent of women. 

[Half of men would ditch woman who gained weight: poll]

Which may seem surprising, but I’ve read enough jokes and forum postings where people have talked about how much weight their wife had gained compared to those that they see around them.

Men are quick to judge in this area, but part of the problem, I believe, is the weight that they themselves have gained.

Thank You Medical Industry

You see, many men have also put on weight, it’s just more socially acceptable.  While some women stress over the impact of a candy bar, most men indulge in soda pop and other sweets with abandon.  It’s almost a badge of honor to be able to “eat whatever I want.”

And we have a pharmaceutical industry built around this concept—to support the heart problems, cholesterol problems, and to give you a pill for weight loss.  Many of the people on maintenance medications would not have to be on them if they had a better diet!

What Can Be Done?

Believe it or not, you can’t force your partner to work out.  You can’t make them eat better.  You can, however, eat better and work out yourself.

A funny thing will happen if you do.  You’ll find that as you lose weight, and are more attractive, your partner will want to be more attractive as well—and have your energy level.  You might find that they start eating better and they start prioritizing working out.

Work on it together, and see if you can help both of you save money and live a better, healthier life!

The following from I am Husband is totally true:

Whenever our wives gain [weight] we think they should take control of it. They should go to the gym, they should “care” about what they look like. We often hear people say of women “She just let herself go” but we don’t really hear that about men. We joke about the growing spare tire and tell ourselves it doesn’t matter because men care about the physical appearance of women more than the other way around. Though to a certain extent that’s true, I have a little secret to share with you today:

Wives want their husbands to be in shape too.

It’s true, ladies.  There shouldn’t be a separate standard for men and women.  Both of you should be concerned about your weight and make sure that you look your best for your partner.

Why do we concern ourselves with people we don’t know, dressing for them, prepping for them, when the person that matters most we spend little effort?

Ready to say, “I do”? Make sure you say “I do” to the 19 Pound Marriage Weight Gain, which also comes with a house mortgage and a spouse who leaves Dr. Pepper cans strolled across the house! Hooray for marriage!

And kids? Oh, wait til I tell you about that…

It seems like every stage in life you gain a significant amount of weight – or at least I do. I gained the Freshman 15. I gained the 19 after marriage – thankfully, I was a size 2 in high school, so the weight gain fits me fairly well, but, yes, I still do have a pair of size 4 jeans in my closet that I use as “inspiration” (yeah, right).

Now, Hubby is not a beanpole by any means, either. He calls it his “happy weight,” though, meaning that he eats because he’s happy that he’s with me. Well, that’s all fine and dandy – but I don’t like trying to squeeze into my khakis and discovering that I can’t wear them (which happened last week).

So it’s time to diet. We plan to go on Weight Watchers next month (it really helped Hubby before we got married), but before then, WE are TRYING to eat healthy.

Repeat: WE and TRYING.

It’s really hard to control what Hubby and I eat because we disagree on so many foods. He likes steak, I like hamburgers. He wants pizza, I want sausage and summer squash. But, for the most part, he does eat well.

That is, when I’m around.

We’ve limited our coke and diet coke intake to two a day (for me, it’s two a week, since I drink coffee) because my best friend, a nutritionist, said that diet cokes often make you feel hungrier. And we try not to snack during the day, but if we do, it’s something healthy.

So, after about a month or two of this, I noticed that neither one of us seemed to be losing much weight. I figured mine was from portion control (and the fact that women have a harder time losing weight than men), but I couldn’t understand why Hubby wasn’t losing weight.

Until I called him at work…

We were on the phone, and he paused for a moment to take a bite of…something.

“Honey,” I said sweetly, “what are you eating?”

Pause.

“Honey,” I repeated, a little more forcefully this time, “what are you eating?”

“It’sthesmallestSnickersbareverandIjustneededalittlepickmeupanditwasfree.” The excuses began pouring out of Hubby’s mouth, one after the other.

“You’re not supposed to eat candy!” I accused.

“It’s just a little one, just a snack size!” Hubby argued.

The thing is, weight – or, more correctly, my weight – is a big issue to me, and I need help with it. I know what to eat, and I know how to exercise; I just need that extra push from someone — *coughHubbycough* — to help me. It’s so hard when he says, “Oh, let’s just order a pizza tonight” or “Baby, let’s just watch this movie instead of going for a walk. I’m tired, and so are you.”

I know he thinks that my weight is fine and I shouldn’t worry. How do I know this? Well, he tells me practically every single day. He even took the batteries out of our scale (gotta find those…). But when I’m not able to zip up my khakis for work and cannot afford to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe for my new size, something needs to be done. Not just so I can fit into my clothes, but also so we can live long, healthy lives and instill good, healthy values in our children.

So why is this such a struggle?

Noah was sitting around the house one morning when his wife, Laura, came out of the bathroom after her shower.  Noah glanced over the top of his paper and said, “Good morning” which Laura ignored on her way over to something on the counter.

Shrugging it off, Noah returned to the paper and his bowl of cereal.  Turning, Laura started reading from her magazine.

“It says here,” she began, “That most men would like their wives to look like they did when they married them, and that’s part of the reason that men cheat.  Do I look as good as when we got married?”

Noah didn’t know what to say.

You Won’t Be 17 Forever

The truth is that you will change.  Your body will change—especially after having children—and while it’s never good to be unhealthy, you should not judge yourself based on your wedding pictures.

Many women get into trouble because they are not comfortable with the way that they look to an unhealthy degree.  Yes, men and women need exercise, and should lose weight, but unhealthy obsession about trying to get back to a dress size after you’ve moved past it can put stress on your relationship as well as your life—and is all around unhealthy.

Noah’s Response

“Well, honey, you were one hot mama when I married you—“ he started.  Her eyes focused in, ready for the kill, “But you could stand to lose a few pounds.”  He said this as he ran out the door.

Well, maybe next time Noah will learn to assure Laura of his love for her.  In the meantime, dear reader, don’t get trapped in this lie.