Lies Wives Believe
A Satirical Look at Married Life
What Role Does Weight Play In Marriage?
Author: MInTheGap
In the Country Song, Hot Mama, Trace Adkins confronts something all marriage relationships go through:
You’re doin’ all you can to get in them old jeans.
You want that body back, you had at seventeen.
Baby, don’t get down; don’t worry ’bout a thing.
‘Cause the way you fill ‘em out, hey, that’s all right with me.
I don’t want the girl you used to be.
An’ if you ain’t noticed, the kids are fast asleep,
We all know that bodies change, they never stay the same. For the wife and mother, this is even more dramatic. It seems that, for nine months, the soon to be mom is putting on weight, and then is expected to lose it all in the first few days after the baby makes its appearance.
Let alone the fact that there’s “sympathy weight” that the man gets, metabolisms going down, less time to get out and work out—it seems only the natural progression that the husband and the wife will put on weight.
But should that effect the relationship, does it?
read comments (0)If You’re Working On Your Weight, So Should He
Author: MInTheGap
The following from I am Husband is totally true:
Whenever our wives gain [weight] we think they should take control of it. They should go to the gym, they should “care” about what they look like. We often hear people say of women “She just let herself go” but we don’t really hear that about men. We joke about the growing spare tire and tell ourselves it doesn’t matter because men care about the physical appearance of women more than the other way around. Though to a certain extent that’s true, I have a little secret to share with you today:
Wives want their husbands to be in shape too.
If only a Snickers bar were as healthy as broccoli…
Author: Lois Lane II
Welcome to college, freshmen! Welcome to sitting on your rump in your college dorm, eating the unhealthy Chick-fil-a on a daily basis, and drinking the delicious mocha jumbo latte. Say hello to your new friend: The Freshman 15 Pound Weight Gain!
Ready to say, “I do”? Make sure you say “I do” to the 19 Pound Marriage Weight Gain, which also comes with a house mortgage and a spouse who leaves Dr. Pepper cans strolled across the house! Hooray for marriage!
And kids? Oh, wait til I tell you about that…
What, I Don’t Look Like I Did When I Married You?!
Author: MInTheGap
Noah was sitting around the house one morning when his wife, Laura, came out of the bathroom after her shower. Noah glanced over the top of his paper and said, “Good morning” which Laura ignored on her way over to something on the counter.
Shrugging it off, Noah returned to the paper and his bowl of cereal. Turning, Laura started reading from her magazine.
“It says here,” she began, “That most men would like their wives to look like they did when they married them, and that’s part of the reason that men cheat. Do I look as good as when we got married?”
Noah didn’t know what to say.
You Won’t Be 17 Forever
The truth is that you will change. Your body will change—especially after having children—and while it’s never good to be unhealthy, you should not judge yourself based on your wedding pictures.
Many women get into trouble because they are not comfortable with the way that they look to an unhealthy degree. Yes, men and women need exercise, and should lose weight, but unhealthy obsession about trying to get back to a dress size after you’ve moved past it can put stress on your relationship as well as your life—and is all around unhealthy.
Noah’s Response
“Well, honey, you were one hot mama when I married you—“ he started. Her eyes focused in, ready for the kill, “But you could stand to lose a few pounds.” He said this as he ran out the door.
Well, maybe next time Noah will learn to assure Laura of his love for her. In the meantime, dear reader, don’t get trapped in this lie.