Before you were married, it seemed that you were the center of his world.  He couldn’t help but want to be with you non-stop.  He couldn’t imagine doing anything with out you.  You celebrated minor anniversaries—Oh look, honey, it’s 3 months after the first time you took me to the dentist for the first time!

He remembered your birthday.  He brought you gifts out of the blue.  Money was no object.  He remembered to brush his teeth before trying to kiss you—not that you cared!

After the Wedding

But after the wedding, and time passed, he no longer had to pursue you and the gifts and surprises that once were a part of your courtship have faded.  But that’s not the biggest thing that has you worried.

You start to wonder if he still thinks about you—or perhaps he’s started thinking about someone else.  Perhaps he’d want to pursue someone else?

He Still Thinks of You

The truth here is that, though he may not be thinking of all the creative ways to impress you any more, he’s still thinking of you.  He thinks of you in different ways than he did.  Though he’s probably still trying to think of ways to make you happy, he thinks about that on a different level.

Admit it, ladies, whereas before a dozen roses would have made you happy, you may now have your eyes on something bigger that he could do for you.  Whether it’s the project around the house (or getting a new house) your sites have been set higher now that he’s your sole source of support.

Your husband is now tasked daily with providing for you—money, food, clothes, shelter.  You’re always on his mind as he thinks about why he works, what it goes for, etc.

Responsibility

When he was a bachelor, his money was his own.  He worked, he may have saved, and he spent based on his feelings, his priorities and his choosing.  And let’s face it, while you were dating you received a whole lot of that because he wanted to spend it on you.  However, if there was something he wanted, he went out and got it.

When you married, the money because both of yours.  You had to compromise, to prioritize and to realize that it didn’t belong to just one of you, but both of you.  That really changed his ability to think of his money as a choice of something to spend.  Especially if you have a budget, it’s now “our money to spend.”

How can I Help?

So, the reality is that if you still want to see him think of you and show it with gifts, you have to enable him to do it.  You have to give him some leeway, some ownership.  It’s really awkward to sit down with your wife and say:

Okay, honey, this month I’m going to budget in $20 for flowers, a $100 piece of jewelry and $10 for chocolates… Is that ok with you?

Face it—that’s just plain strange.  He’s thinking about you, and he wants to give you good things, you just have to give him some room to do it.