Lies Wives Believe
A Satirical Look at Married Life
If only a Snickers bar were as healthy as broccoli…
Author: Lois Lane II
Welcome to college, freshmen! Welcome to sitting on your rump in your college dorm, eating the unhealthy Chick-fil-a on a daily basis, and drinking the delicious mocha jumbo latte. Say hello to your new friend: The Freshman 15 Pound Weight Gain!
Ready to say, “I do”? Make sure you say “I do” to the 19 Pound Marriage Weight Gain, which also comes with a house mortgage and a spouse who leaves Dr. Pepper cans strolled across the house! Hooray for marriage!
And kids? Oh, wait til I tell you about that…
read comments (0)What, I Don’t Look Like I Did When I Married You?!
Author: MInTheGap
Noah was sitting around the house one morning when his wife, Laura, came out of the bathroom after her shower. Noah glanced over the top of his paper and said, “Good morning” which Laura ignored on her way over to something on the counter.
Shrugging it off, Noah returned to the paper and his bowl of cereal. Turning, Laura started reading from her magazine.
“It says here,” she began, “That most men would like their wives to look like they did when they married them, and that’s part of the reason that men cheat. Do I look as good as when we got married?”
Noah didn’t know what to say.
You Won’t Be 17 Forever
The truth is that you will change. Your body will change—especially after having children—and while it’s never good to be unhealthy, you should not judge yourself based on your wedding pictures.
Many women get into trouble because they are not comfortable with the way that they look to an unhealthy degree. Yes, men and women need exercise, and should lose weight, but unhealthy obsession about trying to get back to a dress size after you’ve moved past it can put stress on your relationship as well as your life—and is all around unhealthy.
Noah’s Response
“Well, honey, you were one hot mama when I married you—“ he started. Her eyes focused in, ready for the kill, “But you could stand to lose a few pounds.” He said this as he ran out the door.
Well, maybe next time Noah will learn to assure Laura of his love for her. In the meantime, dear reader, don’t get trapped in this lie.