Why is it that, unless it’s grilling, the man expects the woman to prepare the meal?  Today’s Husband Speak addresses this very question:

“Can I help with dinner?” Really means….

“Why isn’t it already on the table?”

I’m sure you’ve all heard this one.  He’s not really interested in finding out if he can really help (Kudos if he is!), but more asking on its status in what he believes to be a tactful way.

Why?

Because he knows that you’ll scream if he just comes out and asks why supper is taking so long!

What to do here?  Call his bluff and give him something to do.  If he was serious, he’ll be happy to help.  If he wasn’t, then you’ll know for sure that you need to do more work on your communication skills!

Hubby and I each have gone through our own personal trials. One of my biggest hurdles to overcome was, frankly, getting kicked out of grad school (TECHNICALLY, I was not kicked out, but I was asked to consider other options). I felt like a failure, and I had no idea how much I wallowed in self-loathing for an entire year before everything burst open like a dam. I remember the day well; it was in the summer, and Hubby and I were driving down the backroads one Sunday afternoon. And… the dam burst.

I don’t know what started it or what set me off, but I just remember crying in the car (as Hubby looked on, stunned) and just letting everything pour out – my shortcomings in my previous classes, my failures, my sense of despair. The crazy thing is that everything worked out so well later on. I attended another university, got a master’s in something I actually ENJOYED, and now teach at an area university. I would not be where I am today if it were not for that.

But I didn’t know that at the time. I just felt like I had disappointed Hubby – and I told him that.

And I’ll never forget what he said to me that day: “This is not your fault,” he said. “You were under so much pressure. And, yeah, you made a couple of Cs. Big deal. Who cares? I love you. I can’t believe you’ve felt this way so long. Why haven’t you told me? I could have cleared this up.”

Communication

I was shocked. I couldn’t believe he could not see all of my failures the way I did. The thing was, though, he saw them for what they really were: tiny little hurdles to overcome with his support and with God’s. Why hadn’t I seen that all along?

God always has a plan for you and your spouse. I’m very happy at my current job and plan to pursue a Ph.D., but if God has another plan, so be it. We are content to follow His will – because we’ve learned from experience what happens when you don’t.

Both of you have to trust in God, but there’s something else that works in a marriage – you have to trust each other. And when you trust someone wholly… Well, that just makes for a wonderful life, indeed.

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But what does it mean to communicate?

One of the lies that wives believe is that in order to communicate with their husband they have to spend multiple hours talking with him.  I mean, if it works for communicating with mom, it must work for communicating with him, right?

Wrong.

Men and women communicate in different ways with different goals in mind.  A wife will communicate with her husband about her day, how she’s feeling, etc in order to feel closer to her husband.  However, some of the times that wives do this, the husband feels he needs to fix the problem—not just hear it out.

On the other hand, the husband will communicate love to his wife by what he does, and the fact that he puts a priority on different things—things she likes/wants.  And she may feel that this is just “something he should have been doing anyway.

That’s why it’s important to spend time with your spouse figuring out how they communicate and how to get your messages across.  Otherwise, you may be saying one thing, but they may be hearing another!