No words. No kisses. Just a great big, long-lasting hug.

Does anyone else ever have those days?

Recently, Superman and I have undertaken a HUGE endeavor: we are writing a fiction book. I’ve done most of the writing, which, he said, makes him feel like he isn’t contributing enough — but he is so wrong.

I lose attention in a subject quickly. Had I been working on this book by myself, it wouldn’t have gotten past Chapter Two. I would have dropped it for another project when I had writer’s block or when I thought of another interesting storyline. However, every day Superman would ask me, “Did you write any today? What’s happening now?” He encouraged (and sometimes even bribed, haha!) me to do my best and keep the story moving. Now, we have an 85,000-word novel. Wow.

Not only that, but we also had long discussions about the direction the story was going, what twists we wanted to put into the character’s lives, and how we wanted the (hopefully) continuing series to progress. We woke (and still wake) up at 5:30 a.m., have our coffee, and work on the book. He’s a master editor, which is great, because I cannot edit my own material.

He has been essential in this process. He wrote the epilogue and many scenes in the book, taking over when I had writer’s block and mimicking my style perfectly. We truly did write this book together, no matter what he says.

Even if our book never gets published, one of our mentors, a college professor who taught both of us, summed our accomplishments up well: “You have already received a gift,” he said. “This has brought you closer together.”

And it has. Not only did we spend (and are still spending) quality hours together, but we also were able to use our imagination and dreams to create something substantial.

I hope you and your husband have something you two can share like this. I picked up sports (even though I had never watched an entire game of ANYTHING in my entire life before) because Superman LOVES sports. He started drinking coffee because I love it so much (and that may seem small, but having my husband know that my favorite drink is a — deep breath — skinny vanilla latte with no foam and an extra shot — breathe — is a big deal to me).

Anything that you can share, that you can spend quality time together (i.e. not in front of the television) is a positive step. As women, we NEED that quality emotional time. And it doesn’t have to be your deepest, most personal meanings or a “what are your dreams” speech. Granted, those are great and needed, but we also just need that one-on-one (what I like to call) coffee talk. If our needs are fulfilled, we can fill HIS needs, which are equally important. Next week, I want to discuss that and one of the greatest temptations that plagues our nation’s men today.

The opposite of this would be for a husband assuming that because his wife doesn’t want to play video games with him, that she doesn’t want to watch a baseball game or that she doesn’t want to go to the hardware store that she doesn’t love him.

The truth is that men and women fill complementary roles—not competing ones.  There will be things that each likes to do, and things that they couldn’t stand doing.  The point is not to dwell on the fact that they like to do something different, but to strive to find things that you like to do together, and when you’re going to do something that you like, to make sure you don’t judge the other person when they do something they like to do.