Lies Wives Believe
A Satirical Look at Married Life
Archive for the 'Husband' Category
A Little Help?!
Author: MInTheGap
Why is it that, unless it’s grilling, the man expects the woman to prepare the meal? Today’s Husband Speak addresses this very question:
“Can I help with dinner?” Really means….
“Why isn’t it already on the table?”
I’m sure you’ve all heard this one. He’s not really interested in finding out if he can really help (Kudos if he is!), but more asking on its status in what he believes to be a tactful way.
Why?
Because he knows that you’ll scream if he just comes out and asks why supper is taking so long!
What to do here? Call his bluff and give him something to do. If he was serious, he’ll be happy to help. If he wasn’t, then you’ll know for sure that you need to do more work on your communication skills!
read comments (0)Does the thought REALLY count?
Author: Lois Lane II
It’s Dec. 25. You unwrap your gift and find a mustard-green and camo-green horizontally striped sweater. Oh, yes, it’s certainly going to make those extra 10 pounds you gained during the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas really stand out. Fabulous. And there’s your husband, unwrapping his own PlayStation 3 games and not having a clue that you’re displeased with his gift.
There’s No Reason
Author: MInTheGap
Guys are inanely logical, except when it comes to things that are totally illogical. Because they know it’s illogical.
Confused? Read today’s husband speak:
"It’s a guy thing." Really means….
There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
You see, because your husband is logical, he wants to have a logical response to your query about why he has to play video games right now, or has to finish this e-mail before coming to dinner. He wants to have an excuse for his addiction to video games or the football game on television. The problem is that he doesn’t. There isn’t one. Because believe me, if there was, he’d use it.
I Don’t Care What Color…
Author: MInTheGap
The funny thing about jokes about husbands and wives is that they wouldn’t be funny unless they had a grain of truth. Jokes are just that way.
So, let’s look at some of these jokes and see why wives would believe that they’re true, and if they have any basis in reality:
"I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means….
"As long as it’s not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
Prayer Matters, Part II
Author: Lois Lane II
I hate when Hubby travels.
I hate worrying about his flight, hate worrying that he won’t have a good time, hate being alone with my Chihuahua at night and thinking that the Boogey Man is going to get us. I hate him being gone.
I get fairly despondent – especially during his long trips (a week or longer).
The dog even gets nervous. During the first few nights, she’ll sit on Hubby’s side of the bed until midnight, waiting for him to come home. Some nights the two of us will just watch TV until bedtime. We never watch sad or scary movies, though. Don’t want nightmares.
The worst part, though, was the night. Superdog, thinking she heard her “daddy” outside, would bolt from under the covers and bark her head off for 10 minutes, which would, therefore, scare me to death, as I was afraid someone was outside (which is fairly ridiculous; we live in a safe subdivision and know many of our neighbors).
I have an overactive imagination – it’s impressive all the monsters I can imagine would come eat me during the night. When Superdog barks (and sometimes it would be two or three times a night), it wakes me up, freaks me out, and then neither of us sleep.
Hurmph.
The Pull Of Children
Author: Rachel
Wives, what takes up most of your time?
If you’re a mother answering that question, the answer would probably be your children.
Kids take time. A lot of time. Sometimes my husband and I sit around in exhaustion after we’ve finally gotten our toddler off to bed and go, “What did we do with all our time before she came along?”
And neither one of us can remember.
As wonderful a blessing as children can be, there can sometimes be a downside that is easily avoidable but often not considered.
Children can take a toll on a marriage. Not so much in the extra work or the shorter nights. Having children drastically cuts down on the times husbands and wives get to spend together – alone.
Most parents don’t even consider this because they are so overjoyed at having a baby – which, don’t get me wrong, they should be overjoyed.
A marriage is a relationship – the greatest relationship we have short of the one we have with God. But as with any relationship, marriages take time, investment, sacrifice on the part of both parties, and commitment. I’m sure everyone has a story of the “friend I lost contact with” because the effort to keep the relationship going wasn’t put forth.
I want to examine some lies women believe about marriage and their children.
Prayer Matters- Part I
Author: Lois Lane II
Dana was talking the other day about how she and her husband have never fought — not once in their two year marriage. They may have had disagreements, but he has never raised his voice, nor have they ever been truly angry at each other.
Well, that might be Dana and her husband, but that’s certainly not me and mine.
I think some women go into marriage believing that once they say “I do” that all of their dreams are going to come true. Like saying those two little words is some magic formula for instant happiness. It’s not, and I sympathize with women who find themselves suddenly waking up next to a boy with bad morning breath, holey underwear, and cold feet. The man of their dreams leaves water stains on their new tables, food caking on the dishes, and only takes the garbage out after you’ve asked him three times.
I frankly could not believe what I had gotten myself into after three months of marriage. I’m not sure exactly WHAT I was expecting, but it wasn’t what I got. I cried, I’ll admit. I cried a lot. But we refused to give up. We went to church regularly. We prayed together. We made an effort to make the marriage work.
And it has. 
It’s Only Going to Cost…
Author: MInTheGap
For some reason, guys always have a problem estimating how much time something will take and how much it will cost.
For example, a few months back I really wanted to purchase a Dell Netbook. When I first told my wife about it, I told her that I thought it was only going to be $400. When I sat down and started ordering it, it ballooned to over $500 when you counted getting the best features and taxes + shipping.
I’m really here… promise
Author: Lois Lane II
One of my best friends, Danielle, and I had just finished a long day of shopping. And when we shop, I mean, we SHOP. We visit every store, peek through every basket of sales clothes, and find THE BEST sales. To celebrate our frugal purchases (for example, we found $8 pants and $2 shirts from Old Navy), we went to Olive Garden and enjoyed pumpkin cheesecake. Yum…
So we returned home, a 30-minute drive away, just near twilight, and I mentioned that I needed to go grocery shopping. “I think I’ll call Hubby,” I said, starting to text him (for those of you wondering, yes, she was driving). “He can come shopping with me.”
Why Don’t You Want to Spend Time With Me?!!
Author: MInTheGap
Wives assume that if their husband ever needs to go do "man stuff", it’s because he doesn’t love her and doesn’t want to spend time with her or if he doesn’t want to go shopping, etc. with her it’s automatically because he doesn’t love her.
The opposite of this would be for a husband assuming that because his wife doesn’t want to play video games with him, that she doesn’t want to watch a baseball game or that she doesn’t want to go to the hardware store that she doesn’t love him.