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Lies Wives Believe
A Satirical Look at Married Life
Archive for the 'Husband' Category
Keeping Your Daughter Pure Is Your Responsibility
Author: MInTheGap
When it comes to little girls, dads are an enigma. They are easily persuaded by them—and the love that they show to their dad. There is a weird set of feelings toward them—and they can easily be confused about whether they should protect them or be hands off.
Dad can easily leave a lot of the raising of his daughter to his wife—her mother—and expect that “since she’s a woman, she knows how to raise a woman, so why should I get involved.
And yet, like the dad in the picture, if a dad chooses not to get involved he might not do a good enough job conveying his perspective and providing the protection that he should be providing.
You see, it’s the father’s job to help his daughter not only know how to dress—and what her clothing says to others, but to teach her the value of purity and model what he wants the man that she someday will marry to look like.
How Do You Like My Driving?
Author: MInTheGap
One of the things that I’ve had to continually remind myself is that it’s no good getting in rush to be late to end up pulled over on the side of the road or worse—in the hospital because of an accident.
Still, it’s hard not to want to speed when you’re going to be late—and worse when you think going a little faster would be the difference of being late and being on time.
So, here’s where today’s lie comes in to play:
"We’re going to be late." Really means….
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
Just How Much “Work” Does He Do?
Author: MInTheGap
I’m sure your husband feels that he does a lot of work, and I’m sure that he does, in his own way. The interesting thing in today’s lie is that there’s truth in both directions, and that there’s a difference in expectations.
"I got a lot done." Really means….
"I found ‘Waldo’ in almost every picture."
Getting More Exercise
Author: MInTheGap
We joke, but may people in America could stand to lose a few pounds. Odds are your husband is one of them.
The problem is laziness—and it’s funny what we’ll do in order to be lazy.
"I’m getting more exercise lately." Really means….
The batteries in the remote are dead."
Growing up in my house, we didn’t have a remote control—well we did, it was me.
Why does my hair even matter?
Author: Lois Lane II
I’ll never forget the day I cut my hair.
Drastically cut, I mean. I let my hair grow out in college, and for our wedding, it was a great length – not too long, but definitely past the shoulders.
Probably three weeks after my husband and I got married, I chopped it off. It was unintentional. I wanted something that hit right at the bottom of my neck, and, as I had a new home over an hour away from my former stylist, I decided to find another one.
BIG MISTAKE.
Does He Have a Clue?
Author: MInTheGap
Men like to think they know everything. That’s part of the reason (I’m sure) why they don’t stop for directions, they don’t read the instructions, and what makes it more irritating is that they will seldom admit to their lack of knowledge on a particular subject:
"It would take too long to explain." Really means….
"I have no idea how it works."
I’m sure all of your heads are nodding in agreement.
She Just Doesn’t Understand Me
Author: MInTheGap
A lot of times when men say “She doesn’t understand me” it’s an excuse because they haven’t tried hard enough, but sometimes it’s because she’s just gotten to the point where she knows all your stories:
"My wife doesn’t understand me." Really means….
"She’s heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
Men have trouble with communication. It’s not that they have trouble talking—it’s usually that they have trouble listening, and most people—and men are included here—have a face they were in public and in private. Unfortunately, after time has passed men will spend more time with the public face on to everyone else and the private face with his family. The private, exhausted face is not a pretty sight.
Distraction
Author: MInTheGap
Many times in marriage the husband or wife is going to do something that the other one didn’t know about. And the thing that they did might not necessarily be bad—it may be that he brought her flowers as a surprise!—but it will be unexpected—they didn’t have the $10 in the account and she knew it.
In the times that the thing that was done was self-serving, instead of others serving, men may attempt to use a form of distraction to keep the wife from freaking out:
What Do You Mean, “Good Idea?”
Author: MInTheGap
A lot of times, husbands are bad at communication. If we’re not merely muttering that we acknowledge what you’re saying, then we’re giving you sarcastic comebacks. It’s something that we need to grow and be trained out of. Seriously, communication is an art form, it’s something that grows between two people over time with use.
That’s why this latest piece of Husband Speak points right to the issue:
"Good idea." Really means….
"It’ll never work. And I’ll spend the rest of the day gloating."
Your Husband as a Golden Retriever
Author: MInTheGap
What does it mean if your husband doesn’t specifically answer:
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really mean….
Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response like Pavlov’s dog drooling.
If your husband uses these words to respond to something you’ve said, and you aren’t looking right into the eyes of him, I would get him to respond in a fuller in each way—repeating part of what you’ve just said, etc.