Lies Wives Believe

Helpful or Disrespectful?

Nina at the respect dare poses an interesting situation in her post, What’s the Difference between Being Disrespectful and Being Helpful?  She saw a situation where her husband saw a friend at church and she thought he should go with the man instead of her taking him to Sunday School as he had requested.

Submission doesn’t mean that the woman doesn’t have an opinion or is a door mat.  This is false thinking.  What it really means is a difference in rank.

The concept is the same as that which you’d find on board a military vessel between the captain and the first officer.  The idea is that there is a rank difference—the man has the authority to make the final call—but the woman is right there, trained, and able to help as well.

In this case, it made a lot more sense for Nina’s husband to walk his friend to Sunday School and Nina to take the kids.  She was more observant than she was in this case.

This is what I find with my wife also.  While I tend to be the more observant one, she can sometimes see more of what’s going on in a situation than I can.  She can read people better than I can.  Should I be insulted because of this?  No!

However, I can see where some husbands would not want to be what they would view as corrected, especially in front of their friends or in public.  This is why Nina stresses communication in the couple:

On the way home, I replayed the incident for him, and asked, “Was that un-submissive or disrespectful of me?”

“No, I didn’t know why you did that, but no, I wasn’t offended,” came the reply.

“I thought Steve would feel awkward sitting with me at church, being as he’s mostly your friend, and I thought he’d feel more comfortable visiting if his experience started off with you,” I replied.

“That never occurred to me. I’m glad you said something – and yeah, that makes sense,” he said.

Some here might think I’m majoring in the minors, focusing on minutia, and when it comes to communicating with the people I want deep relationship with, you are right. Life is lived one small moment of interaction at a time, and if I have questions about perceptions, the only one who can give me insight is the one I’m interacting with.

So, definitely, talk with your husband and find out what he thinks shows respect, and definitely be careful when you’re out, because that’s the time when something that could be helpful in motive can turn out to show disrespect to your husband.  That’s somewhere you don’t want to go.