Lies Wives Believe

6 Times You Should Not Submit To Your Husband

We all know that the Bible commands that wives submit and respect their husbands.  We’ve heard it time and again, and though it’s a difficult command, we know that since God expects it of women, that it must be done.

Submission does not mean “door mat”, but instead means that one chooses to allow the other person to lead.  I like to think of it like rank in the Army—submission means that the authority belongs with another, and that I should obey what they have to say—even when I may have a different, and sometimes better, opinion.

However, did you know that there are 6 times when a wife should not submit to her husband?  This list is borrowed heavily from a Handy Reference Guide of When Not to Submit.

1. A Husband must not require his wife to submit when obedience to him would violate a Biblical Principle.

The first is plain.  If the General gives a command and then the Captain gives a contrary command, you obey the General.

In this case, if God gives a clear command in Scripture, then if your husband tells you to disobey that command, you obey God.  Clear commands can be clear Scripture like “Thou Shalt Not Murder” or just clear Biblical principles—like if your husband wants you to take up smoking.

2. A Husband must not require his wife to submit when obedience to him would compromise her relationship to Christ.

This would be like if your husband told you that he didn’t want you to read any Christian books, listen to Christian sermons, go to Church, and to stop praying.  This isn’t a blanket license to disregard a unsaved husband’s wishes (indeed, Peter instructs wives that some may be able to cover their husbands by staying with them), but it’s a reminder that we must be about growing—if we aren’t, we are not faithful to God.

When Jesus says that you must hate your father, mother, sister, brother, husband, wife to follow Him, it wasn’t literal in the sense that you should hate them, but in the comparison with the love that you have for God it should seem like you hate them.  Wow.

3. A husband must not require his wife to submit when obedience to him would void her conscience.

Paul is quite clear—there is Christian Liberty.  You don’t have to be afraid eating meat offered to idols.  You don’t have to respect holy days.

The catch is: can you do it with a clear conscience, giving thanks to the Lord?  If you cannot, then it is sin to you.

A husband should not require that his wife sin.

4. A husband must not require his wife to submit when obedience to him would compromise the care, nurture and protection of their or her children.

Since one of the main responsibilities of the husband (and father) is to protect and provide for his family, if he’s choosing to direct his wife to do opposite of that, it’s time to talk to the church body and see what’s going on.

5. A husband must not require his wife to submit when obedience to him would enable him to sin.

This is a powerful one.  As husband and wife we are the closest of brother and sister in Christ.  We’re the ultimate accountability partners, and it’s part of both of their jobs to grow each other in Christ.

That means that if the man is requiring that a woman submit to going and getting him an adult beverage, or something that would enable a sin, that man is in the wrong, and his wife should stand her ground and attempt to help him control that temptation.

And it’s not right to use the “if I don’t do it, he’ll just go behind my back.”  We’re responsible to God for how we behave, and we need to let each other know that there is a line—even if they decide to cross it.  Let our good behavior be conviction against the bad.

6. A husband must not require his wife to submit to physical, sexual or emotional abuse.

If any of these are happening, the wife should get help when it begins, not wait until it gets out of control.  The earlier that these things are dealt with, the better chance that there is of something being done to salvage the man and the marriage.

And I would say that it also goes for the woman as well.

Is there anything else you’d add?