Lies Wives Believe

The Origin of Wedding Vows

According to Wikipedia:

Marriage vows are binding promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. Marriage customs have developed over history and keep changing as human society develops. In earlier times and in most cultures the consent of the partners has not had the importance now attached to it, at least in Western societies and those they have influenced.

They then proceed to give the wedding vows as they were originally constituted in The Book of Common Prayer and the more traditional vows that are used today.

An Interesting Difference

What I find interesting about the today’s vows and the vows from the Book of Common Prayer is what is missing– let’s see if you notice it.

Here’s (more or less) the vows that my wife and I shared with one another:

I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

In this version, the husband and wife are interchangeable, but in the Book of Common Prayer they were not– and that’s a hint at what’s different.

The TroTHS

Just what does “troth” mean, anyway?  Any why is it different between the bride and the groom?

Well, in the Book of Common Prayer, the groom’s vows go first, and he is basically saying “I pledge you my trust.”  It’s the equivalent of the part of the modern day vows where the husband and wife include “forsaking all others”.  The idea carries with it that the groom is promising to have her and only her (physically, emotionally, mentally) and no one else.

And the order here is significant.  He pledges his trust before she gives hers.  She gives hers because he promises first—and only because of this.

God’s Holy Ordinance

Another difference between this and the modern versions is the place that God held in the vows.  In the modern vows, it is the preacher that adds the part about marriage being from God, but in the Book of Common Prayer, the bride and the groom made reference to marriage and their vows as coming from God’s holy ordinance.

To me, this makes for a stronger vows—it’s not just the fact that I’m pledging my trust that I will do it, but that I’m pledging with reference and within God’s framework—and that means I’m accountable to Him should I fail to keep my promise.  That’s a stronger promise.

OBEY

Yes, that four letter word is in the Vows for the Book of Common Prayer, and it’s only in the bride’s part of the vows.  According to Wikipedia, “On September 12, 1922, the Episcopal Church voted to remove the word "obey" from the bride’s section of wedding vows.”

Obey is controversial today for many reasons.  The first is women’s lib.  The idea that women are property, or that they should submit to their husband’s leadership is passé in modern times, and so in the 20th century this phrase is left out of common vows.

And one could understand why.  If “obey” is in the vows, that would say that the wife pledges to obey her husband, and that could lead the husband to believe that he has the right to order the wife around.

However, in its purest form, submission and obedience in marriage can be something of a blessing and an honor.  If the husband loves the wife according to God’s Holy Ordinance like the old vows said, then he must love her as Christ loved the church—and be wiling to die for her and to sacrifice for her.

If this dynamic is in place, obedience and submission would be freely given.