Lies Wives Believe

The In-Law Conundrum

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, but the majority of us have in-laws – and, sometimes, we are too close in proximity to them, as well.

I told my husband the other day that I didn’t think it was quite fair that he had one mother-in-law and I had four. “Four?” he repeated, confused for a moment.

“Yes,” I replied in a matter-of-fact tone. “Your biological mother, your aunt, who is closer than your mother; your stepmother; and your grandmother, who says she raised you.”

See? FOUR. And you thought YOU had it rough. :p

Hopefully, you and your in-laws (and your husband and your parents) get along swimmingly. Hopefully, you had a huge Thanksgiving dinner where all of you got together and sang songs by the fire.

For the rest of the world, though…

Your in-laws are your husband’s parents. Whether or not you get along, you should do everything you can to have them in your life – or at least your husband’s life. I’ve seen families crumble due to bad feelings among the wife and husband’s parents, and I’ve seen husbands and wives fight due to in-law relations. Heck, I’ve even seen punches thrown at a holiday meal. But if a marriage is supposed to last forever…you’ve got to come to some compromise that will work on all fronts.

My own in-law situation is sketchy at best (though I promise I was not the one throwing the punches at any of the family gatherings). My MIL’s past is dubious, but I love her dearly. Why? Because she loves my husband, as do I. Therefore, we have a bond, and I know she would do anything for us that she could. I’m very thankful for that.

FIL situation…eh. That’s perhaps where I got the idea for this blog. The holidays are coming up, and I do want to pass on some advice:

* If you cannot stand your in-laws, talk to your husband. Work out a situation where maybe you two attend a holiday function but do not stay a long time. If you’re overly anxious about the get-together, remind your husband to always be by your side.

* If your in-laws live far away and an overnight trip is in order, stay at a hotel. Or send your husband alone before the holidays so he can spend time with his family. You do not want to come between him and his family. Try to work on a compromise.

* Whatever occurs, make sure not to bad-mouth his family to him. He may sometimes talk bad about them, but I doubt he wants you to join in the fight. Encourage him to see his family. And, when gifts are concerned, let him make the final decision.

And, of course, pray. Pray and get support from your friends. I have a great friend who has a very similar in-law situation as mine, and it’s nice to bond and get advice and hear options. Just as you need support for work, for education, for friendship, you also need support for your in-laws.

Love ‘em or hate ‘em – if you’re in your marriage forever, your in-laws are here to stay. You might as well make the best of it. =)