Lies Wives Believe

If only a Snickers bar were as healthy as broccoli…

Welcome to college, freshmen! Welcome to sitting on your rump in your college dorm, eating the unhealthy Chick-fil-a on a daily basis, and drinking the delicious mocha jumbo latte. Say hello to your new friend: The Freshman 15 Pound Weight Gain!

Ready to say, “I do”? Make sure you say “I do” to the 19 Pound Marriage Weight Gain, which also comes with a house mortgage and a spouse who leaves Dr. Pepper cans strolled across the house! Hooray for marriage!

And kids? Oh, wait til I tell you about that…

It seems like every stage in life you gain a significant amount of weight – or at least I do. I gained the Freshman 15. I gained the 19 after marriage – thankfully, I was a size 2 in high school, so the weight gain fits me fairly well, but, yes, I still do have a pair of size 4 jeans in my closet that I use as “inspiration” (yeah, right).

Now, Hubby is not a beanpole by any means, either. He calls it his “happy weight,” though, meaning that he eats because he’s happy that he’s with me. Well, that’s all fine and dandy – but I don’t like trying to squeeze into my khakis and discovering that I can’t wear them (which happened last week).

So it’s time to diet. We plan to go on Weight Watchers next month (it really helped Hubby before we got married), but before then, WE are TRYING to eat healthy.

Repeat: WE and TRYING.

It’s really hard to control what Hubby and I eat because we disagree on so many foods. He likes steak, I like hamburgers. He wants pizza, I want sausage and summer squash. But, for the most part, he does eat well.

That is, when I’m around.

We’ve limited our coke and diet coke intake to two a day (for me, it’s two a week, since I drink coffee) because my best friend, a nutritionist, said that diet cokes often make you feel hungrier. And we try not to snack during the day, but if we do, it’s something healthy.

So, after about a month or two of this, I noticed that neither one of us seemed to be losing much weight. I figured mine was from portion control (and the fact that women have a harder time losing weight than men), but I couldn’t understand why Hubby wasn’t losing weight.

Until I called him at work…

We were on the phone, and he paused for a moment to take a bite of…something.

“Honey,” I said sweetly, “what are you eating?”

Pause.

“Honey,” I repeated, a little more forcefully this time, “what are you eating?”

“It’sthesmallestSnickersbareverandIjustneededalittlepickmeupanditwasfree.” The excuses began pouring out of Hubby’s mouth, one after the other.

“You’re not supposed to eat candy!” I accused.

“It’s just a little one, just a snack size!” Hubby argued.

The thing is, weight – or, more correctly, my weight – is a big issue to me, and I need help with it. I know what to eat, and I know how to exercise; I just need that extra push from someone — *coughHubbycough* — to help me. It’s so hard when he says, “Oh, let’s just order a pizza tonight” or “Baby, let’s just watch this movie instead of going for a walk. I’m tired, and so are you.”

I know he thinks that my weight is fine and I shouldn’t worry. How do I know this? Well, he tells me practically every single day. He even took the batteries out of our scale (gotta find those…). But when I’m not able to zip up my khakis for work and cannot afford to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe for my new size, something needs to be done. Not just so I can fit into my clothes, but also so we can live long, healthy lives and instill good, healthy values in our children.

So why is this such a struggle?