Lies Wives Believe

Love and Respect

Wives, you’ll never totally understand your husband.  And the most frustrating realization is that at just about the time you think you have him figured out, something will change.  He’ll have a new interest, or he’ll behave in a way you couldn’t predict.

But one thing is certain.  He values your respect more than he values your love.  Which is the subject of today’s lie that wives believe:

Wives believe that showing their husbands love is more important than showing their husbands respect.

A Comparison

I have yet to meet a woman that didn’t want friends.  In fact, I’ve met many women that are extremely picky about their friendships (some of them in my family) to the point that if the friend doesn’t live up to a set of standards then they’ll say that the person is not really a friend, but I have yet to find a woman that doesn’t want friends.

In the online world, the big difference between the mommy blogs and those written by men is that rarely does the man care if what he writes offends someone.  A mommy blog will stake out the common ground and try really hard to be popular, the male blog will write what is unpopular—and here’s the catch—as long as people respect his opinion.

Respect is the Key

Your husband wants respect in the same way that you want to be loved.  He wants respect, regardless of what his decision is, because it validates him as a man.  You want love because it validates you as a woman.

He doesn’t necessarily want you to agree with him, but he does want you to follow him.  If you give him that respect, he will give you the love you’re looking for.  If you’re blessed, he’ll give you that love regardless.

However, his needs are most met when you can set aside the “I told you so” and “You’re doing it wrong” to respect that he’s an equivalent human being—a leader, no less—and that you will respect him.

Not Just One of the Kids

This is why, in my mind, the “treating your husband as one of your kids” is so deadly to your marriage.  By showing him that you don’t respect his thought process, that “he’s doing it wrong” and that “I’m the only one who does it right around here” you’re trampling on his desire to serve you and his understanding of his position.

Don’t believe the lie, and confuse his need for love vs. respect.  He needs both, but he craves the latter before the former.